背影

我與父親不相見已二年餘了，我最不能忘記的是他的背影。那年冬天，祖母死了，父親的差使也交卸了，正是禍不單行的日子，我從北京到徐州，打算跟着父親奔喪囘家。到徐州見着父親，看見滿院狼藉的東西，又想起祖母，不禁簌簌地流下眼淚。父親說，「事已如此，不必難過，好在天無絕人之路！」

我与父亲不相见已二年余了，我最不能忘记的是他的背影。那年冬天，祖母死了，父亲的差使也交卸了，正是祸不单行的日子，我从北京到徐州，打算跟着父亲奔丧回家。到徐州见着父亲，看见满院狼藉的东西，又想起祖母，不禁簌簌地流下眼泪。父亲说，「事已如此，不必难过，好在天无绝人之路！」

It is more than two years since I last saw my father, and what I can least forget is the sight of his back. That winter my grandmother died, and my father lost his post; it was a time when troubles never came singly. I went from Beijing to Xuzhou, intending to go home with my father for the funeral. When I met him in Xuzhou and saw the courtyard strewn with things in disorder, and thought of my grandmother, I could not keep the tears from streaming down my face. My father said, "What's done is done. There's no use grieving. Heaven always leaves us some way out."

囘家變賣典質，父親還了虧空；又借錢辦了喪事。這些日子，家中光景很是慘澹，一半爲了喪事，一半爲了父親賦閒。喪事完畢，父親要到南京謀事，我也要囘北京念書，我們便同行。

回家变卖典质，父亲还了亏空；又借钱办了丧事。这些日子，家中光景很是惨澹，一半为了丧事，一半为了父亲赋闲。丧事完毕，父亲要到南京谋事，我也要回北京念书，我们便同行。

At home he sold or pawned things to pay off his debts, and borrowed money for the funeral. In those days the household was in a sorry state, partly because of the funeral and partly because my father was out of work. When the funeral was over, he was to go to Nanjing to look for work, and I was to go back to Beijing to study, so we travelled together.

到南京時，有朋友約去游逛，勾留了一日；第二日上午便須渡江到浦口，下午上車北去。父親因爲事忙，本已說定不送我，叫旅館裏一個熟識的茶房陪我同去。他再三囑付茶房，甚是仔細。但他終於不放心，怕茶房不妥帖；頗躊躇了一會。其實我那年已二十歲，北京已來往過兩三次，是沒有甚麽要緊的了。他躊躇了一會，終於決定還是自己送我去。我兩三囘勸他不必去；他只說，「不要緊，他們去不好！」

到南京时，有朋友约去游逛，勾留了一日；第二日上午便须渡江到浦口，下午上车北去。父亲因为事忙，本已说定不送我，叫旅馆里一个熟识的茶房陪我同去。他再三嘱付茶房，甚是仔细。但他终于不放心，怕茶房不妥帖；颇踌躇了一会。其实我那年已二十岁，北京已来往过两三次，是没有甚么要紧的了。他踌躇了一会，终于决定还是自己送我去。我两三回劝他不必去；他只说，「不要紧，他们去不好！」

When we reached Nanjing, some friends invited me out and I stayed on for a day. The next morning I was to cross the river to Pukou and take the train north in the afternoon. My father, being busy, had already decided not to see me off, and had asked a waiter he knew at the hotel to go with me. He gave the waiter instructions over and over again, very carefully. But in the end he did not feel easy, fearing the man would not be reliable, and hesitated for a while. In fact I was twenty that year and had already travelled to and from Beijing two or three times, so there was nothing much to worry about. He hesitated for a while, and in the end decided to take me himself. I urged him two or three times not to go, but he only said, "It doesn't matter. It won't do to send them."

我說道，「爸爸，你走吧。」他望車外看了看，說，「我買幾個橘子去。你就在此地，不要走動。」我看那邊月臺的柵欄外有幾個賣東西的等着顧客。走到那邊月臺，須穿過鐵道，須跳下去又爬上去。父親是一個胖子，走過去自然要費事些。我本來要去的，他不肯，只好讓他去。我看見他戴着黑布小帽，穿着黑布大馬褂，深靑布棉袍，蹣跚地走到鐵道邊，慢慢探身下去，尚不大難。可是他穿過鐵道，要爬上那邊月臺，就不容易了。他用兩手攀着上面，兩腳再向上縮；他肥胖的身子向左微傾，顯出努力的樣子。這時我看見他的背影，我的淚很快地流下來了。我趕緊拭乾了淚，怕他看見，也怕別人看見。我再向外看時，他已抱了朱紅的橘子望囘走了。過鐵道時，他先將橘子散放在地上，自己慢慢爬下，再抱起橘子走。到這邊時，我趕緊去攙他。他和我走到車上，將橘子一股腦兒放在我的皮大衣上。於是撲撲衣上的泥土，心裏狠輕鬆似的，過一會說，「我走了；到那邊來信！」我望着他走出去。他走了幾步，囘過頭看見我，說，「進去吧，裏邊沒人。」等他的背影混入來來往往的人裏，再找不着了，我便進來坐下，我的眼淚又來了。

我说道，「爸爸，你走吧。」他望车外看了看，说，「我买几个橘子去。你就在此地，不要走动。」我看那边月台的栅栏外有几个卖东西的等着顾客。走到那边月台，须穿过铁道，须跳下去又爬上去。父亲是一个胖子，走过去自然要费事些。我本来要去的，他不肯，只好让他去。我看见他戴着黑布小帽，穿着黑布大马褂，深青布棉袍，蹒跚地走到铁道边，慢慢探身下去，尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道，要爬上那边月台，就不容易了。他用两手攀着上面，两脚再向上缩；他肥胖的身子向左微倾，显出努力的样子。这时我看见他的背影，我的泪很快地流下来了。我赶紧拭干了泪，怕他看见，也怕别人看见。我再向外看时，他已抱了朱红的橘子望回走了。过铁道时，他先将橘子散放在地上，自己慢慢爬下，再抱起橘子走。到这边时，我赶紧去搀他。他和我走到车上，将橘子一股脑儿放在我的皮大衣上。于是扑扑衣上的泥土，心里狠轻松似的，过一会说，「我走了；到那边来信！」我望着他走出去。他走了几步，回过头看见我，说，「进去吧，里边没人。」等他的背影混入来来往往的人里，再找不着了，我便进来坐下，我的眼泪又来了。

I said, "Father, you can go now." He looked out of the window and said, "I'll go and buy you some tangerines. You stay here. Don't move." I saw several vendors waiting for customers beyond the railings of the platform opposite. To get to that platform he would have to cross the railway line, jumping down onto the tracks and climbing up again. My father was a stout man, so naturally it would be hard for him. I wanted to go myself, but he would not let me, so I had to let him go. I watched him in his little black cloth cap, his black cloth mandarin jacket and his dark blue cotton-padded gown, as he waddled to the edge of the tracks and slowly leaned over and let himself down. That was not too difficult. But when he had crossed the tracks and had to climb up onto the other platform, it was not easy at all. He held on to the top with both hands and drew up his legs, and his stout body leaned slightly to the left, showing what an effort it was. As I watched his back, my tears began to flow at once. I quickly wiped them away, afraid that he or others might see them. When I looked out again, he was already coming back, his arms full of bright red tangerines. When he reached the tracks, he first put the tangerines down on the ground, climbed slowly down himself, then picked them up again and walked on. When he got to this side, I hurried out to help him. He came with me to the train and dumped all the tangerines on my fur coat. Then he brushed the dirt off his clothes, and seemed very relieved. After a while he said, "I'm going now. Write to me when you get there." I watched him walk away. After a few steps he turned his head, saw me, and said, "Go back inside. There's no one there with your things." When his back had mingled with the people coming and going and I could no longer find it, I went back in and sat down, and my tears came again.

近幾年來，父親和我都是東奔西走，家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外謀生，獨立支持，做了許多大事。那知老境却如此頹唐！他觸目傷懷，自然情不能自已。情鬱於中，自然要發之於外；家庭瑣屑便往往觸他之怒。他待我漸漸不同往日。但最近兩年的不見，他終於忘却我的不好，只是惦記着我，惦記着我的兒子。我北來後，他寫了一封信給我，信中說道，「我身體平安，惟膀子疼痛利害，舉箸提筆，諸多不便，大約大去之期不遠矣。」我讀到此處，在晶瑩的淚光中，又看見那肥胖的，靑布棉袍，黑布馬褂的背影。唉！我不知何時再能與他相見！

近几年来，父亲和我都是东奔西走，家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外谋生，独立支持，做了许多大事。那知老境却如此颓唐！他触目伤怀，自然情不能自已。情郁于中，自然要发之于外；家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。他待我渐渐不同往日。但最近两年的不见，他终于忘却我的不好，只是惦记着我，惦记着我的儿子。我北来后，他写了一封信给我，信中说道，「我身体平安，惟膀子疼痛利害，举箸提笔，诸多不便，大约大去之期不远矣。」我读到此处，在晶莹的泪光中，又看见那肥胖的，青布棉袍，黑布马褂的背影。唉！我不知何时再能与他相见！

In recent years both my father and I have been rushing about from place to place, and things at home have been going from bad to worse. He left home to make his living when he was young, supported himself, and did many big things. Who would have thought his old age would be so dispirited. Everything he saw touched his feelings and saddened him, and naturally he could not control himself. When feelings are pent up inside, they must find a way out; and so trifling household matters often made him angry. He gradually treated me differently from the old days. But in these last two years of not seeing each other, he has at last forgotten my faults, and only thinks of me, and of my son. After I came north, he wrote me a letter, which said: "I am in good health, except that my arm aches badly; it is hard to hold chopsticks or a pen. Probably the time of my great departure is not far off." When I read this, through glistening tears I saw again that stout back in the dark blue padded gown and the black mandarin jacket. Ah, I do not know when I shall see him again.