Of Friendship

It had been hard for him that spake it to have put more truth and untruth together in few words, than in that speech, Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god. For it is most true, that a natural and secret hatred, and aversation towards society, in any man, hath somewhat of the savage beast; but it is most untrue, that it should have any character at all, of the divine nature; except it proceed, not out of a pleasure in solitude, but out of a love and desire to sequester a man's self, for a higher conversation: such as is found to have been falsely and feignedly in some of the heathen; as Epimenides the Candian, Numa the Roman, Empedocles the Sicilian, and Apollonius of Tyana; and truly and really, in divers of the ancient hermits and holy fathers of the church. But little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love. The Latin adage meeteth with it a little: Magna civitas, magna solitudo; because in a great town friends are scattered; so that there is not that fellowship, for the most part, which is in less neighborhoods. But we may go further, and affirm most truly, that it is a mere and miserable solitude to want true friends; without which the world is but a wilderness; and even in this sense also of solitude, whosoever in the frame of his nature and affections, is unfit for friendship, he taketh it of the beast, and not from humanity.

说出那句话的人，很难在寥寥数语里放进更多的真与不真了：“凡是喜爱孤独的，不是野兽，便是神明。”一个人若天生暗自憎恶、厌弃人群，这里头确实带着几分野兽的凶性，这话极真；但说它带有任何神性，这话就极不真了，除非这种孤独不是出于喜爱孤独，而是出于一种渴望，要把自己隔开，去作更高的交谈：这在一些异教徒身上曾有过，却是虚假伪装的，如克里特人埃庇米尼得斯、罗马人努马、西西里人恩培多克勒、提亚纳的阿波罗尼乌斯；而在古代好些隐修士和教会圣师身上，则是真实无伪的。可是人们很少觉察孤独究竟是什么，它延伸得有多远。因为人群并不是陪伴；没有爱的地方，一张张面孔不过是一廊画像，谈话不过是叮当作响的钹。拉丁谚语说得有几分对：“大城，大孤独”（Magna civitas, magna solitudo）；因为在大城里朋友们散居各处，大多没有小一些的街坊里那种情谊。但我们还可以更进一步，极真切地断言：缺少真正的朋友，才是彻底而可怜的孤独；没有朋友，世界不过是一片荒野；即便就这一层意义上的孤独而言，谁的天性与情感生来不宜于友谊，他这份性情也是得自野兽，而非得自人性。

A principal fruit of friendship, is the ease and discharge of the fulness and swellings of the heart, which passions of all kinds do cause and induce. We know diseases of stoppings, and suffocations, are the most dangerous in the body; and it is not much otherwise in the mind; you may take sarza to open the liver, steel to open the spleen, flower of sulphur for the lungs, castoreum for the brain; but no receipt openeth the heart, but a true friend; to whom you may impart griefs, joys, fears, hopes, suspicions, counsels, and whatsoever lieth upon the heart to oppress it, in a kind of civil shrift or confession.

友谊的一大果实，是让心中因种种激情而起的胀满与郁结得以舒缓、得以排遣。我们知道，身体里最危险的是阻塞与窒闷之症；心灵也差不多如此。你可以服菝葜来疏通肝，服铁剂来疏通脾，服硫华治肺，服海狸香治脑；可是能打开心的方子只有一个，那就是一位真正的朋友。你可以把忧伤、欢喜、恐惧、希望、疑虑、打算，以及一切压在心上的东西，都向他倾诉，像是一种世俗的告解。

It is a strange thing to observe, how high a rate great kings and monarchs do set upon this fruit of friendship, whereof we speak: so great, as they purchase it, many times, at the hazard of their own safety and greatness. For princes, in regard of the distance of their fortune from that of their subjects and servants, cannot gather this fruit, except (to make themselves capable thereof) they raise some persons to be, as it were, companions and almost equals to themselves, which many times sorteth to inconvenience. The modern languages give unto such persons the name of favorites, or privadoes; as if it were matter of grace, or conversation. But the Roman name attaineth the true use and cause thereof, naming them participes curarum; for it is that which tieth the knot. And we see plainly that this hath been done, not by weak and passionate princes only, but by the wisest and most politic that ever reigned; who have oftentimes joined to themselves some of their servants; whom both themselves have called friends, and allowed others likewise to call them in the same manner; using the word which is received between private men.

看那些伟大的君王，把我们所说的这份友谊之果估得多高，真是一件奇事：高到他们往往不惜冒着自身安危和权位的风险去换取它。因为君主的境遇与臣民仆从相去太远，摘不到这颗果实，除非（为了让自己能够摘到）把某些人提拔起来，使之几乎成为自己的伙伴与同侪，而这常常招来麻烦。现代语言把这样的人叫作“宠臣”或“亲信”，仿佛这只是恩宠或交往的事。罗马人的叫法却道出了它真正的用处和缘由，称他们为“分忧之人”（participes curarum）；因为系住这个结的，正是分担忧虑。我们清楚地看到，这样做的不只是软弱、易动感情的君主，也有历来最明智、最精于治术的君主；他们常常把某些臣仆引为己身的一部分，自己称他们为朋友，也允许旁人这样称呼，用的正是平常人之间通行的那个字眼。

L. Sylla, when he commanded Rome, raised Pompey (after surnamed the Great) to that height, that Pompey vaunted himself for Sylla's overmatch. For when he had carried the consulship for a friend of his, against the pursuit of Sylla, and that Sylla did a little resent thereat, and began to speak great, Pompey turned upon him again, and in effect bade him be quiet; for that more men adored the sun rising, than the sun setting. With Julius Caesar, Decimus Brutus had obtained that interest as he set him down in his testament, for heir in remainder, after his nephew. And this was the man that had power with him, to draw him forth to his death. For when Caesar would have discharged the senate, in regard of some ill presages, and specially a dream of Calpurnia; this man lifted him gently by the arm out of his chair, telling him he hoped he would not dismiss the senate, till his wife had dreamt a better dream. And it seemeth his favor was so great, as Antonius, in a letter which is recited verbatim in one of Cicero's Philippics, calleth him venefica, witch; as if he had enchanted Caesar. Augustus raised Agrippa (though of mean birth) to that height, as when he consulted with Maecenas, about the marriage of his daughter Julia, Maecenas took the liberty to tell him, that he must either marry his daughter to Agrippa, or take away his life; there was no third way, he had made him so great. With Tiberius Caesar, Sejanus had ascended to that height, as they two were termed, and reckoned, as a pair of friends. Tiberius in a letter to him saith, Haec pro amicitia nostra non occultavi; and the whole senate dedicated an altar to Friendship, as to a goddess, in respect of the great dearness of friendship, between them two. The like, or more, was between Septimius Severus and Plautianus. For he forced his eldest son to marry the daughter of Plautianus; and would often maintain Plautianus, in doing affronts to his son; and did write also in a letter to the senate, by these words: I love the man so well, as I wish he may over-live me. Now if these princes had been as a Trajan, or a Marcus Aurelius, a man might have thought that this had proceeded of an abundant goodness of nature; but being men so wise, of such strength and severity of mind, and so extreme lovers of themselves, as all these were, it proveth most plainly that they found their own felicity (though as great as ever happened to mortal men) but as an half piece, except they mought have a friend, to make it entire; and yet, which is more, they were princes that had wives, sons, nephews; and yet all these could not supply the comfort of friendship.

卢基乌斯·苏拉统治罗马时，把庞培（后来号称“伟大的”）抬举到那样的高度，以致庞培自夸胜过苏拉。有一次庞培不顾苏拉的反对，为自己的一个朋友争得了执政官之职，苏拉有些恼怒，说起大话来，庞培便回敬他，大意是叫他安静些，因为崇拜初升的太阳的人，比崇拜落日的人多。德基姆斯·布鲁图在尤利乌斯·恺撒那里得宠到这种地步：恺撒在遗嘱里把他列为继其甥孙之后的次位继承人。而正是这个人，有本事把他引向死地。当恺撒因为一些不祥的征兆，尤其是卡尔普尔尼娅的一个梦，想要解散元老院时，这个人轻轻挽着他的手臂把他从椅子上扶起来，说希望他不要解散元老院，等夫人做了一个好些的梦再说。他所受的宠信似乎大到这样：安东尼在一封信里（西塞罗的一篇《反腓力辞》逐字引用了这封信）称他为“女巫”（venefica），仿佛他对恺撒施了魔法。奥古斯都把出身寒微的阿格里帕抬举得那样高，以至于他和梅塞纳斯商量女儿尤利娅的婚事时，梅塞纳斯直言不讳地对他说：要么把女儿嫁给阿格里帕，要么取他的性命，没有第三条路，因为他已经把他抬得太高了。在提比略·恺撒那里，塞扬努斯升到了那样的高位，人们把他们两人称作、看作一对朋友。提比略在给他的信中说：“因着我们的友谊，这些事我没有瞒你”（Haec pro amicitia nostra non occultavi）；整个元老院还因为他们两人的友谊如此亲厚，为“友谊”立了一座祭坛，把它当作女神供奉。塞普蒂米乌斯·塞维鲁与普劳蒂亚努斯之间也是如此，甚至更甚。他强迫长子娶了普劳蒂亚努斯的女儿；普劳蒂亚努斯冒犯他的儿子，他也常常护着他；他还在给元老院的信中写道：“我如此爱这个人，愿他活得比我长久。”倘若这些君主都像图拉真或马可·奥勒留那样，人们或许会以为这是出于天性中满溢的善良；可他们都是如此精明、心志如此刚强严厉、又如此极端自爱的人，这就最清楚地证明：他们觉得自己的福分（虽然大到凡人所能有的极致）只是半块，除非有一位朋友来使它完整；更有甚者，这些君主都有妻子、儿子、孙侄，而所有这些人都补不上友谊的慰藉。

It is not to be forgotten, what Comineus observeth of his first master, Duke Charles the Hardy, namely, that he would communicate his secrets with none; and least of all, those secrets which troubled him most. Whereupon he goeth on, and saith that towards his latter time, that closeness did impair, and a little perish his understanding. Surely Comineus mought have made the same judgment also, if it had pleased him, of his second master, Lewis the Eleventh, whose closeness was indeed his tormentor. The parable of Pythagoras is dark, but true; Cor ne edito; Eat not the heart. Certainly, if a man would give it a hard phrase, those that want friends, to open themselves unto, are cannibals of their own hearts. But one thing is most admirable (wherewith I will conclude this first fruit of friendship), which is, that this communicating of a man's self to his friend, works two contrary effects; for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in halves. For there is no man, that imparteth his joys to his friend, but he joyeth the more; and no man that imparteth his griefs to his friend, but he grieveth the less. So that it is in truth, of operation upon a man's mind, of like virtue as the alchemists use to attribute to their stone, for man's body; that it worketh all contrary effects, but still to the good and benefit of nature. But yet without praying in aid of alchemists, there is a manifest image of this, in the ordinary course of nature. For in bodies, union strengtheneth and cherisheth any natural action; and on the other side, weakeneth and dulleth any violent impression: and even so it is of minds.

不可忘记科米纳记述他的第一位主人“勇士”查理公爵的话：公爵从不把自己的秘密告诉任何人，最让他烦恼的秘密尤其不说。他接着说，到了公爵的晚年，这种闭锁损害了、并且多少毁坏了他的心智。科米纳若愿意，对他的第二位主人路易十一也大可下同样的断语；路易的闭锁，正是折磨他的刑具。毕达哥拉斯的那句隐语晦涩却真实：“勿食其心”（Cor ne edito）。的确，若要说得重一些，没有朋友可以敞开心扉的人，就是在吞食自己的心。但有一件事最为奇妙（我就用它来结束友谊的第一种果实）：把自己向朋友倾诉，会产生两种相反的效果，它使欢乐加倍，使忧伤减半。因为没有人把欢乐告诉朋友而不更加欢乐的，也没有人把忧伤告诉朋友而不减轻忧伤的。所以，它对人心的作用，确实像炼金术士常说他们的点金石对人身的作用一样：能产生种种相反的效果，却总是有益于天性。不过，不必求助于炼金术士，在寻常的自然进程里就有一个明显的写照。在物体中，结合会增强、滋养一切自然的作用，另一方面又会削弱、钝化一切猛烈的冲击；心灵也正是如此。

The second fruit of friendship, is healthful and sovereign for the understanding, as the first is for the affections. For friendship maketh indeed a fair day in the affections, from storm and tempests; but it maketh daylight in the understanding, out of darkness, and confusion of thoughts. Neither is this to be understood only of faithful counsel, which a man receiveth from his friend; but before you come to that, certain it is, that whosoever hath his mind fraught with many thoughts, his wits and understanding do clarify and break up, in the communicating and discoursing with another; he tosseth his thoughts more easily; he marshalleth them more orderly, he seeth how they look when they are turned into words: finally, he waxeth wiser than himself; and that more by an hour's discourse, than by a day's meditation. It was well said by Themistocles, to the king of Persia, That speech was like cloth of Arras, opened and put abroad; whereby the imagery doth appear in figure; whereas in thoughts they lie but as in packs. Neither is this second fruit of friendship, in opening the understanding, restrained only to such friends as are able to give a man counsel; (they indeed are best;) but even without that, a man learneth of himself, and bringeth his own thoughts to light, and whetteth his wits as against a stone, which itself cuts not. In a word, a man were better relate himself to a statua, or picture, than to suffer his thoughts to pass in smother.

友谊的第二种果实，对理智有益而且有奇效，正如第一种果实之于情感。友谊使情感由风暴转为晴日；也使理智从黑暗与思绪的混乱中迎来白昼。这不能只理解为从朋友那里得到的忠告；在谈到忠告之前，有一点是确定的：一个人满腹心事，在与人交流、谈论之中，他的才智和理解便会澄清、疏散开来；他更容易把思绪翻来覆去地掂量，更有条理地把它们排列成行，看见它们化成言语时是什么模样；最后，他变得比他自己更聪明，而且一小时的交谈胜过一整天的冥想。地米斯托克利对波斯王说得好：言语好比阿拉斯挂毯，展开铺平了，上面的图像才显出形状；而在思想里，它们只像捆在包裹里一样。友谊开启理智的这第二种果实，也并不限于能给人出主意的朋友（这样的朋友当然最好）；即使没有忠告，一个人也能从自己身上学到东西，把自己的思想带到光亮里来，像在一块磨石上磨砺自己的才智，而那块石头本身并不切割。一句话，一个人宁可对着一尊雕像或一幅画倾诉，也不要让自己的思想闷在心里窒息。

Add now, to make this second fruit of friendship complete, that other point, which lieth more open, and falleth within vulgar observation; which is faithful counsel from a friend. Heraclitus saith well in one of his enigmas, Dry light is ever the best. And certain it is, that the light that a man receiveth by counsel from another, is drier and purer, than that which cometh from his own understanding and judgment; which is ever infused, and drenched, in his affections and customs. So as there is as much difference between the counsel, that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is between the counsel of a friend, and of a flatterer. For there is no such flatterer as is a man's self; and there is no such remedy against flattery of a man's self, as the liberty of a friend. Counsel is of two sorts: the one concerning manners, the other concerning business. For the first, the best preservative to keep the mind in health, is the faithful admonition of a friend. The calling of a man's self to a strict account, is a medicine, sometime too piercing and corrosive. Reading good books of morality, is a little flat and dead. Observing our faults in others, is sometimes improper for our case. But the best receipt (best, I say, to work, and best to take) is the admonition of a friend. It is a strange thing to behold, what gross errors and extreme absurdities many (especially of the greater sort) do commit, for want of a friend to tell them of them; to the great damage both of their fame and fortune: for, as St. James saith, they are as men that look sometimes into a glass, and presently forget their own shape and favor. As for business, a man may think, if he will, that two eyes see no more than one; or that a gamester seeth always more than a looker-on; or that a man in anger, is as wise as he that hath said over the four and twenty letters; or that a musket may be shot off as well upon the arm, as upon a rest; and such other fond and high imaginations, to think himself all in all. But when all is done, the help of good counsel, is that which setteth business straight. And if any man think that he will take counsel, but it shall be by pieces; asking counsel in one business, of one man, and in another business, of another man; it is well (that is to say, better, perhaps, than if he asked none at all); but he runneth two dangers: one, that he shall not be faithfully counselled; for it is a rare thing, except it be from a perfect and entire friend, to have counsel given, but such as shall be bowed and crooked to some ends, which he hath, that giveth it. The other, that he shall have counsel given, hurtful and unsafe (though with good meaning), and mixed partly of mischief and partly of remedy; even as if you would call a physician, that is thought good for the cure of the disease you complain of, but is unacquainted with your body; and therefore may put you in way for a present cure, but overthroweth your health in some other kind; and so cure the disease, and kill the patient. But a friend that is wholly acquainted with a man's estate, will beware, by furthering any present business, how he dasheth upon other inconvenience. And therefore rest not upon scattered counsels; they will rather distract and mislead, than settle and direct.

现在，为了使友谊的第二种果实完整，再补上另一点，它更为显而易见，人人都能看到，那就是朋友的忠告。赫拉克利特在他的一则谜语里说得好：“干燥的光总是最好的。”确实，一个人从别人的忠告中得到的光，比从自己的理解与判断中得来的光更干燥、更纯净；因为自己的理解与判断，总是浸泡在自己的情感与习惯之中。所以，朋友给的忠告与自己给自己的忠告，差别之大，就像朋友的忠告与谄媚者的忠告之间的差别。因为没有哪个谄媚者比得上一个人自己；而对付自我谄媚，也没有哪一剂药比得上朋友的直言。忠告有两种：一种关乎品行，一种关乎事务。就前一种而言，保持心灵健康最好的药，是朋友真诚的规劝。对自己严加清算，是一剂有时过于尖锐、过于腐蚀的药。读讲道德的好书，又未免平淡乏味。从别人身上观察我们自己的过错，有时又与我们的情形并不相合。最好的方子（我是说，最见效、也最容易服下的）是朋友的规劝。看许多人（尤其是地位高的人）因为没有朋友指出，竟犯下何等严重的错误、何等极端的荒唐，大大损害了自己的名声与前程，真是奇怪的事；正如圣雅各所说，他们就像对着镜子照了照，转身便忘了自己的模样。至于事务，一个人若愿意，尽可以以为两只眼睛并不比一只看得更多；或者赌徒总比旁观者看得清楚；或者一个发怒的人，跟一个先把二十四个字母默念一遍的人一样明智；或者火枪架在手臂上开，跟架在枪架上开一样准；还有诸如此类愚蠢而自负的想象，以为自己便是一切。但说到底，能把事务理顺的，是良好忠告的帮助。如果有人以为，他固然要听取忠告，却要零零碎碎地听，这件事问这个人，那件事问那个人，这也不错（就是说，或许比一个也不问要好）；但他要冒两种危险：其一，他得不到忠实的忠告；因为除非出自一位完美而全心的朋友，人们给的忠告，难得不被给忠告的人自己的某些目的扭曲变形。其二，他得到的忠告（虽然出于好意）可能有害而不稳妥，一半是祸害，一半是良方；就好比你请来一位医生，据说擅长治你诉说的病，却不了解你的身体；于是他也许能让你眼下的病好转，却在别的方面毁了你的健康；病治好了，病人却死了。而一位完全了解你处境的朋友，在推进眼前某件事务时，会留意不让它撞上别的麻烦。所以，不要依赖零散的忠告；它们与其说能使人安定、给人指引，不如说会使人分心、把人引入歧途。

After these two noble fruits of friendship (peace in the affections, and support of the judgment), followeth the last fruit; which is like the pomegranate, full of many kernels; I mean aid, and bearing a part, in all actions and occasions. Here the best way to represent to life the manifold use of friendship, is to cast and see how many things there are, which a man cannot do himself; and then it will appear, that it was a sparing speech of the ancients, to say, that a friend is another himself; for that a friend is far more than himself. Men have their time, and die many times, in desire of some things which they principally take to heart; the bestowing of a child, the finishing of a work, or the like. If a man have a true friend, he may rest almost secure that the care of those things will continue after him. So that a man hath, as it were, two lives in his desires. A man hath a body, and that body is confined to a place; but where friendship is, all offices of life are as it were granted to him, and his deputy. For he may exercise them by his friend. How many things are there which a man cannot, with any face or comeliness, say or do himself? A man can scarce allege his own merits with modesty, much less extol them; a man cannot sometimes brook to supplicate or beg; and a number of the like. But all these things are graceful, in a friend's mouth, which are blushing in a man's own. So again, a man's person hath many proper relations, which he cannot put off. A man cannot speak to his son but as a father; to his wife but as a husband; to his enemy but upon terms: whereas a friend may speak as the case requires, and not as it sorteth with the person. But to enumerate these things were endless; I have given the rule, where a man cannot fitly play his own part; if he have not a friend, he may quit the stage.

在友谊的这两种高贵果实（情感的平静与判断的支撑）之后，便是最后一种果实，它像石榴一样，满是籽粒；我说的是在一切行动与际遇中给予帮助、分担一份。要把友谊的多种用处活生生地呈现出来，最好的办法是算一算，有多少事情是一个人自己做不了的；那时就会看出，古人说“朋友是另一个自己”，还说得太吝啬了，因为朋友远远不止是另一个自己。人各有其时限，常常在最挂心的事情尚未如愿时便离世了：比如儿女的婚事，一件作品的完成，诸如此类。一个人若有一位真正的朋友，几乎可以放心：在他身后，这些事仍会有人照料下去。所以，就他的心愿而言，他仿佛有两次生命。一个人只有一个身体，这身体被限在一处；但有友谊的地方，生活中的一切职分，仿佛都同时交给了他和他的代理人。因为他可以借朋友之手去履行它们。有多少事情，是一个人自己去说、去做就有失体面、不合礼数的？一个人很难谦逊地陈述自己的功劳，更不用说夸耀了；一个人有时也拉不下脸去恳求、去乞请；类似的事还有许多。这些话从自己嘴里说出来叫人脸红，从朋友嘴里说出来却得体大方。再者，一个人的身份带着许多固有的关系，是他无法摆脱的。他对儿子说话只能以父亲的身份，对妻子只能以丈夫的身份，对仇人只能按彼此的条件；而朋友却可以按事情的需要说话，不必顾及身份是否相称。但这些事是列举不完的；我已经给出了规则：凡是一个人无法得体地扮演自己角色的地方，若没有朋友，他就只好退出舞台了。