風箏风筝

北京的冬季，地上還有積雪，灰黑色的禿樹枝丫叉于晴朗的天空中，而遠處有一二風箏浮動，在我是一種驚異和悲哀。

北京的冬季，地上还有积雪，灰黑色的秃树枝丫叉于晴朗的天空中，而远处有一二风筝浮动，在我是一种惊异和悲哀。

Winter in Beijing. There is still old snow on the ground, the grey-black bare branches of trees fork against the clear sky, and far off one or two kites are floating. For me it is a cause of wonder and of sorrow.

有一天，我忽然想起，似乎多日不很看見他了，但記得曾見他在後園拾枯竹。我恍然大悟似的，便跑向少有人去的一間堆積雜物的小屋去，推開門，果然就在塵封的什物堆中發見了他。他向着大方凳，坐在小凳上；便很驚惶地站了起來，失了色瑟縮着。大方凳旁靠着一個胡蝶風箏的竹骨，還沒有糊上紙，凳上是一對做眼睛用的小風輪，正用紅紙條裝飾着，將要完工了。我在破獲祕密的滿足中，又很憤怒他的瞞了我的眼睛，這樣苦心孤詣地來偸做沒出息孩子的玩藝。我卽刻伸手折斷了胡蝶的一支翅骨，又將風輪擲在地下，踏扁了。論長幼，論力氣，他是都敵不過我的，我當然得到完全的勝利，於是傲然走出，留他絕望地站在小屋裏。後來他怎樣，我不知道，也沒有留心。

有一天，我忽然想起，似乎多日不很看见他了，但记得曾见他在后园拾枯竹。我恍然大悟似的，便跑向少有人去的一间堆积杂物的小屋去，推开门，果然就在尘封的什物堆中发见了他。他向着大方凳，坐在小凳上；便很惊惶地站了起来，失了色瑟缩着。大方凳旁靠着一个胡蝶风筝的竹骨，还没有糊上纸，凳上是一对做眼睛用的小风轮，正用红纸条装饰着，将要完工了。我在破获秘密的满足中，又很愤怒他的瞒了我的眼睛，这样苦心孤诣地来偷做没出息孩子的玩艺。我即刻伸手折断了胡蝶的一支翅骨，又将风轮掷在地下，踏扁了。论长幼，论力气，他是都敌不过我的，我当然得到完全的胜利，于是傲然走出，留他绝望地站在小屋里。后来他怎样，我不知道，也没有留心。

One day it occurred to me that I had not seen much of him for several days, though I remembered seeing him picking up bits of dry bamboo in the back garden. As if I had suddenly understood everything, I ran to a little room where odds and ends were stored and which few people ever entered. I pushed open the door, and there he was among the dusty clutter. He was sitting on a small stool facing a large square stool, and jumped up in great alarm, turning pale and shrinking back. Leaning against the big stool was the bamboo frame of a butterfly kite, not yet covered with paper, and on the stool lay a pair of small wind-wheels for the eyes, which he was decorating with strips of red paper. It was nearly finished. In my satisfaction at having uncovered his secret, I was furious that he had hidden it from me and taken such pains to make a good-for-nothing child's plaything behind my back. At once I reached out and broke one of the butterfly's wings, threw the wind-wheels to the ground and stamped them flat. In age and in strength he was no match for me, so of course I won a complete victory, and walked out proudly, leaving him standing in despair in the little room. What he did after that I do not know; I paid no attention.

然而我的懲罰終于輪到了，在我們離別得很久之後，我已經是中年。我不幸偶而看了一本外國的講論兒童的書，纔知道游戲是兒童最正當的行爲，玩具是兒童的天使。于是二十年來毫不憶及的幼小時候對於精神的虐殺的這一幕，忽地在眼前展開，而我的心也仿佛同時變了鉛塊，很重很重的墜下去了。

然而我的惩罚终于轮到了，在我们离别得很久之后，我已经是中年。我不幸偶而看了一本外国的讲论儿童的书，才知道游戏是儿童最正当的行为，玩具是儿童的天使。于是二十年来毫不忆及的幼小时候对于精神的虐杀的这一幕，忽地在眼前展开，而我的心也仿佛同时变了铅块，很重很重的坠下去了。

But my punishment came at last, long after we had parted, when I was already middle-aged. Unfortunately I happened to read a foreign book about children, and only then learned that play is the most proper activity of a child, and toys are a child's angels. And so this scene of spiritual cruelty from my childhood, which I had not given a thought to for twenty years, suddenly unfolded before my eyes, and at the same moment my heart seemed to turn to lead and sink, very heavily, very heavily.

但心又不竟墮下去而至于斷絕，他只是很重很重地墮着，墮着。

但心又不竟堕下去而至于断绝，他只是很重很重地堕着，堕着。

Yet my heart did not sink all the way and break. It only went on sinking, very heavily, sinking, sinking.

我也知道補過的方法的：送他風箏，贊成他放，勸他放，我和他一同放。我們嚷着，跑着，笑着。——然而他其時已經和我一樣，早已有了鬍子了。

我也知道补过的方法的：送他风筝，赞成他放，劝他放，我和他一同放。我们嚷着，跑着，笑着。——然而他其时已经和我一样，早已有了胡子了。

I knew a way to make amends: give him a kite, approve of his flying it, urge him to fly it, fly it with him. We would shout, run, laugh. But by then he, like me, had long since grown a moustache.

『有過這樣的事麽？』他驚異地笑着說，就像旁聽着別人的故事一樣。他什麽也不記得了。

『有过这样的事么？』他惊异地笑着说，就像旁听着别人的故事一样。他什么也不记得了。

"Did that ever happen?" He smiled in surprise, as if listening to a story about someone else. He remembered nothing at all.

全然忘卻，毫無怨恨，又有什麽寬恕之可言呢？無怨的恕，說謊罷了。

全然忘却，毫无怨恨，又有什么宽恕之可言呢？无怨的恕，说谎罢了。

Completely forgotten, with no resentment at all: what forgiveness can there be? Forgiveness without resentment is only a lie.

我還能希求什麽呢？我的心只得沈重着。

我还能希求什么呢？我的心只得沉重着。

What more can I hope for? My heart can only stay heavy.

現在，故鄕的春天又在這異地的空中了，既給我久經逝去的兒時的回憶，而一幷也帶着無可把握的悲哀。我倒不如躱到肅殺的嚴冬中去罷，——但是，四面又明明是嚴冬，正給我非常的寒威和冷氣。

现在，故乡的春天又在这异地的空中了，既给我久经逝去的儿时的回忆，而一并也带着无可把握的悲哀。我倒不如躲到肃杀的严冬中去罢，——但是，四面又明明是严冬，正给我非常的寒威和冷气。

Now the spring of my old home is again in the sky of this strange place. It brings me memories of my long-departed childhood, and with them an elusive sorrow. I had better hide myself away in the harshness of deep winter. But all around me it is plainly deep winter already, giving me its extraordinary cold and its chill.

（一九二五年一月二十四日。）

（一九二五年一月二十四日。）

(24 January 1925)